For those of you new to this blog or newsletter, I have been making a practice of sharing a monthly reflection since I started Bodies in Play in October of 2017. When it began, I was in the middle of the largest professional transition of my life up to that point. Sharing these reflections served both as a way for me to find some grounding in a hurricane of unknowns as well as a way to connect with others during a time that was mostly centered around solo dance making. At times, the reflections served as catharsis. Other times, they were a painstaking effort to create some semblance of accountability and consistency.
Little did I know a much larger professional transition was just around the corner. For the past 6 months, for the first time in my life, I’ve been working a consistent full-time job. (Well, two very hearty part-time jobs, but thankfully they play nicely with one another). Now, these reflections serve as a creative outlet when many hours of my day are given to administration and management. While I’m fortunate that both of my jobs not only support but actively encourage me to remain in creative practice, the process to do so requires a stamina I’m still working up to.
Recently, I’ve made the choice to just dive in. Saying yes to creative projects whole heartedly and actively reviving my own creations. It’s been thrilling. Invigorating. Better than ever. And it’s been absolutely kicking my ass. So much so, I felt the need to create a new word for it.
The other night, I was getting ready for bed. My body was a wreck from another full day but my mind was buzzing with all still left to do. I wanted to sleep forever and I also couldn’t wait to start the next day. My to-do list felt insurmountable and my heart felt full. I searched for the word to describe what I was feeling to my boyfriend but couldn’t quite land on one. Grateful? Yes. Stressed? Absolutely. Grateful for my stress? Getting closer. How about Stress-itude! Cute - but we could do better.
This is what my ever-clever boyfriend finally settled on:
In Latin the word for actualization is “actus”, and for stress it’s “accentus” (very close!). The word for “self” in Latin is “sui”. Which gives us Suiactuscentia (pronounced soowey-act-yoo-sen-she-ah), or Self-Actualized-Stress. Bingo.
Even as I write this, the suiactuscentia is kicking in - I’m taunted by my my over-active email inbox and brightly colored Google Calendar... but I know they’ll forgive me for taking the time to jot down these thoughts.